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https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/i-want-to-be-well-a-graphic-novel/

C'mon everyone, share and support to help get my graphic novel out there!

I WANT TO BE WELL updates!

friends! tumblrites! well-wishers and onward! I’ve updated my Indiegogo campaign for my first graphic novel, I WANT TO BE WELL!

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/i-want-to-be-well-a-graphic-novel/x/13623615#/

first and foremost, I’ve added a 15$ and up donation bonus of some neat mini-comics that i couldn’t quite fit into the main story - some funny and weird stuff that just dragged on too long in the script. any donation of 15 bucks and up will get it in addition to the book!

now get out there and keep spreading the word, everyone! as of this writing i’m at just over 400 dollars, which is great, but still far shy from my goal! there’s still several weeks left!

and here, i’ll leave you with a rough outline of page two:

i love you all! kisses and hugs~~~~~~

–brian

I WANT TO BE WELL, my 1st Graphic Novel, on Indiegogo, now!

The indiegogo link is RIGHT HERE! https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/i-want-to-be-well-a-graphic-novel/x/13623615#/

Follow me on Twitter, too, for more updates! http://www.twitter.com/brian_hanson

RT and share and support and all that jazz! Love ya!

–Brian

The SEGA Mascot Contest →

a new tumblr thing i’m doing: a daily doodle based on Sega’s internal contest to find a mascot in 1990, wherein they created Sonic the Hedgehog.

except i think of all the terrible ideas they threw away, and they’re all insane.

Best Things of the Year: Fallout 4

The world is a scary, violent, unpredictable place. So let’s stay inside and play FALLOUT 4.

I have fond, vivid memories of playing FALLOUT and FALLOUT 2 on PCs in the late-90′s and early aughts. I remember losing my save data on the especially buggy FALLOUT 2 and shouting. I remember doing a run of FALLOUT with a character with 1 Intelligence. The idiot dialogue it gives your character is hilarious, but it makes the game not terribly fun to play.

I remember my Sophomore year of High School, on the phone with my best friend Josh, talking about how much Endurance and Strength your character needs to work as a porn star. There was also a joke we made about “fluffers.” My Mormon parents overheard this, and were furious. My mom called my friend Josh’s mom to complain about my conversation. Josh’s mom was confused; to this day, Josh does not let me live that embarrassment down.

Much has been written and previously discussed about Bethesda’s track record on these hugely ambitions open-world games, and their corresponding bugs. This is just anecdotal, but I haven’t encountered anything game-breaking. I have had some time lost due to the game glitching out and having to reload a previous save, which normally isn’t that big a deal EXCEPT that the autosave feature itself can glitch and refuse to actually autosave. This game, more than any other, has me nervously saving at every opportunity, lest one of the game’s bugs crop up and ruin my progress. It’s been a while since I’ve played a game that forces me to manually save as often as FALLOUT 4; it’s a bit of an old-school throwback in that sense.

Bugs notwithstanding, people such as myself play games like FALLOUT 4 because of its unprecedented freedom. This is a game that judges you not; it presents you as whoever you want to be, and allows you to play the game however you see fit, as violently and chaotically as you’d like. The game itself does not care, but its characters do.

And these are some really great characters. Nick Valentine, the Humphrey Bogart-alike synthetic detective. Piper, the plucky Lois Lane-type who doggedly reports on Diamond City’s seedy underside and conspiracy theories. Previous FALLOUT characters felt less like characters and more like the kind of blasé NPCs you encountered in tabletop RPGs of the era. A mishmash of tropes and cliches. But, hey, they have to write a Hell of a lot of dialog to make these things work, so you can hardly blame them for taking a few shortcuts.

The older PC FALLOUT games also suffered from, in hindsight, a push at the time to make PC games as EDGY with a capital E as possible. Aside from the aforementioned odd job at the porn studio, you could also murder children, kill and eat every person you met, and so forth. Certain, uh, “fans” of FALLOUT cried foul when FALLOUT 3 didn’t allow you to murder children. (As an aside, while FALLOUT 4, as a game, doesn’t judge you for your decisions, FALLOUT 1 & 2 certainly did; if you ever murdered a child, the game gave you the unenviable “Child Killer” perk, which basically meant every NPC in the game treated you as a hostile. Fitting, I guess.) Personally, I’m glad we all as a culture avoided any histrionics involving a game that let you blow little innocent kids into bloody chunks with modded shotguns. Good going, Bethesda.

But by far the biggest change FALLOUT 4 has to offer, aside from the improved graphical fidelity and random tweaks and improvements, is the fact that your main character is now voiced. In an obvious nod to BioWare, dialog trees have several, one-word responses that apply to your character - selecting one will trigger a fully-voiced response. It allows for something interesting that FALLOUT games never had before. It allows you to treat your own character as THEIR own character. Using the clever bit of formalism BioWare used to great effect in MASS EFFECT, your own character in FALLOUT 4 now speaks like any other character in the game. It made me think about my choices and alliances in the Wasteland a lot differently. Previously, when the mute protagonist rattled off a smartass line, while it was easy to project myself actually saying that line, it was more often than not, irrelevant. The factions and characters you involve yourself with in FALLOUT 4 play at a different intensity, now that you actually see and hear “your” character interact with others. Also, kudos to Bethesda for giving “your” character a variety of sexual and physical companions, because Tumblr of course cares greatly about those things.

All of this wouldn’t matter though if the game was fucking buggy as shit and didn’t even work. The bugs are still there, but they’re only diversionary. They never detract much from the big, stupid paean to video games’ breadth of choice. In a lot of ways, replaying any moment of FALLOUT 4 never feels too taxing or irritating. All it gives you is another whack at it with new gear or tactics. Or maybe, hey, fuck it, let’s head back to Goodneighbor for some side quests. Or maybe craft some stuff for your various settlements.

FALLOUT 4 gives and gives, and what it gives is much-needed muchness. So few games feel like they truly deserve their 60-plus-dollar pricetag without feeling like you’re being taxed by unnecessary and over-inflated elements. Unnecessary multiplayer components. On-disc DLC. Pay-to-win sidequests. FALLOUT 4 gives you hundreds of hours of entertainment right out of the box.

And I haven’t even gotten into the actual gunplay, which actually feels competent and tight this time around. FALLOUT 4 is a real triumph, and the deeper I fall into its grasp, the more that grasp begins to feel like a calm, soothing hug.

Our world is a frightening one, with horrors of escalating and indiscriminate violence permeating our entire culture. Thank God I can seal myself away from that world and trudge through the Wasteland, trusty robot detective at my side, and blast a bunch of Super Mutants into nuclear Hell.

The company you keep.

Hello there, bloggity blog. Been a while!

I haven’t been writing as much lately in general. The reason being my day job - I work very hard at a locally and independently-owned gaming store, pleased as punch to ring up other nerds for things I love. Magic cards, video games, board games, and the like.

I started the job around July of 2013. Within my first few weeks of moving to LA, I did a cursory Google search of independent game stores in my area. I walked in, noticed a “NOW HIRING” sign, and figured it was worth a shot. Surely, working for a non-chain store would be better than a big chain retailer, right?

But let’s go back a bit first.

—

Several years ago, I drew this comic and posted it to this here Tumblr page, where it quickly racked up something over 4,000 notes and got reblogged by Neil Gaiman and other people: http://thingofthings.tumblr.com/post/23970133350/my-comic-about-rape-jokes

It was both refreshing and also more than a little bit terrifying to open myself up publicly about, uh, being raped.

When I was 19, I was horribly misled, manipulated, and mentally and sexually abused - for months - by a man I considered a friend. Not just any friend; my *closest* friend. A man who was charming, thoughtful, funny, smart, soulful. A man who had lived a rough and tumble life, fraught with danger and fear, and managed to strengthen himself to be self-reliant, kind, and compassionate.

It was all a lie.

The realization that all this pain and fear I was feeling was because someone else did this to me on purpose was immensely terrifying. At the hospital, where I wound up after a botched suicide attempt, I coldly explained what happened and what this man did to me.

I saw the tears well up in her eyes. It hit me like a bolt of lightning. No one is supposed to do this. What this man has done is unforgivable.

The man, of course, used his immense well of charm and intelligence to rally his friends to his cause. I was just a jilted, jealous loser; my cries of pain and anguish were the petulant whines of a crappy friend The Man had to cut ties with. Criminal cases were discussed and then quickly dropped. Too much time has passed, too little evidence to support my claim.

In short, he got away with it. The son of a bitch got away with it. The Man walks free despite his crime. Meanwhile, I’m the one searching and screaming for answers and justice in a world that seems to care for neither.

The following decade was a long slog of fear and rehabilitation. Compounded by depression and anger, I approached everyone and everything as a liability.

In time, I found new hobbies, made new friends, and found employment. I found a lovely girlfriend and we moved in together. I moved to Los Angeles, trying to keep myself focused on the future.

More than anything else, I vowed: I wouldn’t let anyone get away with manipulating me again.

—

Soon after landing the job at the game store, I became fast friends with one of my co-workers. A statuesque, brusque, and incredibly intelligent man with a fascinating mind and a dynamite sense of humor. Coming to work was a joy, simply to be around This Man. This Man clearly had his issues he was working with, judging from some of his poor decisions and often abrasive behavior, but I figured - why pry? I will trust This Man and his privacy, as is his right.

Late last year, This Man left the game store to manage another, separate store, one unaffiliated with us that was in something of a financial crisis. If anyone could turn a failing business around, it was This Man, I thought. I wished him the best. It sucked that I would no longer be working with a really great friend, but hey, we all gotta move on sometime.

Several months later, This Man seemingly disappeared without a trace. Attempts made to contact him were made in vain. One day bled into an entire weekend without so much as a peep in regards to his whereabouts, which, for a friend, is a troubling sign.

After the weekend, one of This Man’s friends had confided that he was, for the time being, safe, but, again out of respect for This Man’s privacy, details were scarce.

Some weeks later, This Man messaged me to let me know he was offering me a job. I was flattered, but uninterested; I trusted This Man’s initiative and vision, but my current job already had all of his initiative and vision in full display. He had set the place up to thrive; selfishly, I declined his offer.

Looking back, that was one of the best decisions I’ve made.

“I’m leaving,” This Man said. “That’s why I want you on board here.”

I asked where he was leaving. This Man didn’t reply. Once again, I respected his privacy. We shook hands and left.

The potential whereabouts for This Man was the topic of several rumors and speculation among our usual friends and confidants. The story became so warped and insane to the point where the most logical explanation was that This Man was leaving the country, managing another struggling business owned by his extended family, going away for several years in the process.

It made sense, and it fit into the narrative of This Man. This strange, lovable, unpredictable Man.

A week and a half ago, I discovered that This Man was in jail.

Not overseas. Not hiding out in some sort of Scientology-esque cult. Straight-up, This Man was in jail.

Not only that, this was his SECOND TIME in jail. Another friend of This Man, having some conflicting feelings, decided it would be good for me to know the truth.

The Truth. It didn’t make sense. How could This sweet-natured, gentle Man be a criminal? What circumstances led to this? And more importantly, why did This Man not trust me with the truth?

I spent the following week and a half scrambling for information, attempting to piece together this puzzle.

I found nothing. Nothing except a tanglewire of deception, manipulation, and lies.

This Man thought he was smarter than all of us. This Man lured us in with his charming demeanor and intelligence, and made calculated decisions based upon the secrets he captured from all of us. And then proceeded to use them all against us.

He was thrilled with the story about fleeing the country to manage a family business. He ran with it to the bank. In the meanwhile, he surrounded himself with people he knew had no reason to distrust him, while testing the patience and willpower of those who he considered his closest friends. His prison sentence was their fault, and he made sure to threaten them at every opportunity. Their jobs would be at risk, he strongly hinted, if they ever talked.

Well, I’m talking. I’m not afraid.

—

I refuse to live in someone else’s manipulative, horrendous lies. I refuse to keep his secrets and live in his world of fear.

I should mention, by the way, that these aren’t just any criminal charges. We’re talking possession and distribution of child pornography. This Man is a registered sex offender; Googling This Man’s name brings up that information on the very first page.

I once lived through a horrid ordeal that someone got away with. I’m not going to do it again.

Thank you for reading.

–brian 

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TYPING WITH DOG

Living With Depression: A Comic Essay Thing (Again)

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“ohh suuure, i LOOOOVE being a Sarkastodon *rolleyes*”